Trust

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

This is a scripture that always seems to pop into my head right at the moment I need it the most. In Lehi's dream (1 Nephi chapter 8) we read that he saw the rod of iron, and many people are holding onto it to get to the tree of knowledge. As Lehi is watching the people struggle to hold on, or to keep their children and families holding on, he is saddened to see many let go, and wander off. Some wandered off because it was too hard to hold on, some wandered off because the great and spacious building was "more fun". I will say, it is not easy keeping a hold of the rod in today's world. I think some may have let go because they lost their trust.

I heard a quote recently, I'm not sure who said it or where I heard it, but they said "Without trust, there is no faith." I don't necessarily think this is true. I'm not proud, but back in January I hit my breaking point. I hit my lack of trust. I lost it, and spent many nights, in my car, driving home from the NICU screaming at the Lord after leaving my babies, AGAIN! It seems lately every time we pray for something, the opposite happens. We have gone through so many trials since last June, just trying to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives, it seemed like one thing after another and the trials just kept coming. I know we all have our own issues we face everyday, and I don't believe my trials are more, or greater than anyone else's, after all the Lord caters our trials to what we can handle.. but January 17th I hit my breaking point. I drove home screaming at the Lord, and i admitted to Him I had lost my trust. I still knew He was listening, and I still wanted to talk to Him, but I had closed myself off to the spirit, and refused to listen. I told Him "I will NOT set foot in church until my babies come home. If YOU want me in church, YOU better make it happen." January 17th Ammon was supposed to come home, but that morning he had had another "episode" and his clock reset for another five days!

That night I felt all alone. I truly felt like my prayers weren't a priority, or that they weren't being heard at all. I felt no matter how hard I prayed it wasn't going to happen anyway, so why continue to keep praying? I screamed, I cried, and I even accused the Lord of holding my babies hostage. I had done my part, and yet He took one son, and was holding the other two. He can't even give me a break? Just one little break? I took my thoughts to Facebook. I was still talking to the Lord, I was just refusing His spirit. I asked a very trusted mom group "What do you do when you've lost your trust in the Lord?" One woman commented and said "it's okay to pray to the Lord and ask Him for a break. You are allowed to ask him to ease up on your trials." That's when it hit me. "TRUST in THE LORD with ALL thine HEART, and LEAN NOT unto thine OWN UNDERSTANDING".

I still didn't go to church in the 20th. Honestly I couldn't bear to have everyone who has supported us ask me questions about when our boys were coming home, and how they were doing. I just wasn't strong enough.

I spent the next week conversing but still keeping Him at arms length. I just couldn't trust Him... not yet. I felt gross, I felt empty, and I felt numb. It felt like if I held onto any kind of hope, it would all just be taken away from me.

Friday January 25th, I was in the NICU again. The nurse that night told me our boys would be ready to go home on Sunday! Yeah right! I'd believe it when I see it. I wanted so badly to believe it, to have just one ounce of hope or trust, but this was the third or even fourth time they told us they would be ready, just to have the light at the end of the tunnel snuffed out. I was holding Ammon, I looked down and I called him "Booger" my mom and my nick name for Duncan. I felt a pain in my heart. I said "I'm sorry Ammon, I can't call you that, that was Duncan's nick name. We'll come up with something else." At that moment I felt pressure on my left arm. It was as if someone had lied their head down on my arm while looking over my shoulder at the baby. I knew who it was, it was my Duncan. This sacred moment lasted for what felt like hours, but in reality was only minutes. That scripture came to my mind again. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all they ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." I trusted Him enough with my Duncan. I needed to continue that trust to know He had a plan, and He knew what was right. Even if I don't understand.

I walked out to my car and drove home that night very humbled. I turned off the radio, and for the first time in longer than I care to admit, I opened my heart, mind, and soul to my Father. I apologized. I told Him about my frustration, I talked about my anger, my pain, my worries, my fears of losing another baby. I told Him about my uneasiness to handle two babies, when I was still grieving the loss of one. I finally let Him in, I finally let Him comfort me. I was mentaly, emotionslly, and spiritually drained. I also came to a realization that night. When we have a friend or family member going through a hard time, we want to be there for them. We ask "what do you need from me? What can I do for you?" We check in on them to make sure they are alright. When they tell us "I'm fine" or "no, we don't need anything" we feel helpless, we feel unneeded, and we back off and think, they know we love them, they will call on us if they need us. 

The Lord is no different. He can not FORCE us to feel His spirit, or to pray. All He can do is remind us He loves us, and that He is there when we are ready to call on Him. Then sit helplessly by, waiting for us to need Him. I needed Him, and realized in time how important my relationship with my Father is.

The next afternoon on January 26, 2019, I got a call from the NICU nurse. They had discharge orders for our twins! They were coming home! I had so many emotions run through me all at once. Mostly, I was thankful. Thankful I was willing to see how petty I was being, that I was willing to let my Father back into my heart. Thankful that I humbled myself to know He was just waiting for me. Waiting for me to talk to Him, to call on Him, and to have the trust in Him to know His plan is greater, His plan will always work out in the end.I

A Pair of Socks

How is it possible for a pair of socks to bring this much pain. It's just a pair of socks! These were used socks, they are a part of his story. I don't know what their last adventure was with him, but I know whatever it was, he was having fun, laughing, running, and just being Duncan. Now that they're washed, I will fold them, and place them in a box, and keep them until I come across them again. Perhaps they will have future adventures with younger siblings. Siblings who will never know of the adventures they have already had. Now they are just a pair of socks.

 

Three Years.

September 18, 2015. Will always be a day I remember. This particular day changed my entire life, and the life of my family. Duncan had been sick, throwing up and sleeping for the past three days, and I couldn't get him to eat anything. I called his pediatrician after dropping Cyrus and Caleb off at school. I explained he was throwing up, his breathing was quick, and sounded wheezy, and his feet were cold. The nurse on the other end asked if he had a temperature, I said "no, no temperature." She told me it was probably a flu bug, and we just had to ride it out. "But, if he becomes unresponsive, get him to the emergency room right away." I kept my eye on him, and checked him every hour. Craig came home from his nursing program, we ate dinner, I went to see if Duncan wanted to eat, and I couldn't wake him up. I brought him into Craig, who pulled out his stethoscope. "His lungs are clear, but his heart is racing. First go get your dad, he needs a blessing. He then needs a doctor." With that my dad and Craig gave Duncan a blessing. I wish I could remember what they said, but I knew from this point on, it was up to the Lord. My dad and I rushed him to St Mary's where they did blood tests, started him on saline, and I got chewed out for not bringing him in sooner. I thought it was the flu! Later, when everything had settled down, and I sat by my little boy's bed, scared, pregnant, alone, praying he would be alright... a woman came to me. She sat down, and quietly said "I've just been reading your son's chart. It says you are LDS. What ward are you in? Who is your bishop? Does he know you're here? Who is your relief society president? Does your son need a blessing? I can call the missionaries, and they can be here in five minutes" I don't remember that nurse's name, I don't remember what she looked like, but I remember her gentle kindness. Her fellowship. Her sisterhood. She was a complete stranger, the Lord had sent to me, in my darkest hour, a sister to remind me I was not alone. She told me if I needed her, she would be at the desk, all I had to do was ask. She gave me a hug, and I knew, my spirit would be calm. It would be alright no matter the outcome. The Lord was there, I was not alone, and never would be alone in this battle.

Three years ago on September 18th my Duncan was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I took the classes, I listened to the nutritionist, I did my best to keep him healthy. He was never hospitalized again, in the two and a half years after his diagnosis.

   

There were times I wanted to throw in the towel and say "No More!" But I knew Duncan was special, and he was going to change the world one day. And he did. He changed the world for at least 4 people, and many more to come, as well as their families, and future generations. He will always be our special boy, and our beacon of light. It's still hard to go through this life without him, but knowing he no longer has to fight, gives me some peace. Duncan, I would have fought along side you to the end, and in a way I did. Happy 3 year Diaversary my little super hero! And to those that are still fighting, know we stand with you. We love you, and we know your struggles, your fears, and your moments weakness. Know you are not alone.

Shattered Summer (PART 1)

I started this blog two years ago to help me cope with my son's type 1 diabetes. It helped me out a lot, even though I have many posts I have not published and I have gone many months without writing. My son was diagnosed at 18 months with type 1. While we came together as a family and learned everyday new ways to help him cope and help us understand, my husband Craig and I still knew in the back of our minds we would lose Duncan early in life. Craig always thought we would lose him in his 20s or 30s, I always thought it would be as a teenager.

This last June, Craig got a new job in San Rafael CA. We packed up our home, and our family and made the six hour drive to our new home in Fairfield. Our first week was spent, finding all the clothes and essentials we needed to get Craig to and from work. I needed to stock up on food, so I could make his lunches, the first week went by like a whirlwind and before we knew it we were heading into week 2.

Week 2 was spent getting the bedrooms organized so we could start getting our tiny townhouse in order. I knew I was going to have to downsize, but I needed the space to do it. I spent the week trying to get everything in order, while Craig spent the week dealing with a jerk at work who wanted his job and spent every day making sure the work environment was hostile. It was Father's Day weekend so we took some much needed family time and went to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom on Saturday, with my older brother, and his son. Then surprised my mom and step dad in Redding for a Father's Day BBQ. It was the perfect weekend, roller coasters and swimming, looking back I wouldn't change a single decision we made that weekend.

Monday came with more stress for Craig at work. Tuesday came and I spent the day throwing up. Then Wednesday hit... Duncan started throwing up Tuesday night at around 11:30 p.m. I checked his sugar, and it was high, almost 400, but he wasn't spilling keytones so I gave him a water bottle and sent him back to bed. He cam into our room at about 4 a.m. when Craig got up for work. He said he didn't feel good, and just wanted to lie down with mommy. I cuddled him, and he fell back to sleep. Craig left for work, and I cuddled my boy, he woke me up at around 7 throwing up. His sugar was in the 500s, but his keytones weren't high. I used his sliding scale to measure his insulin, and put him in the bathtub. Our nurse told us once, that a warm bath can help lower blood sugar, I checked on Duncan every hour, and got him a 24 oz cup full of water. He did have keytones, but again they weren't high, and although he was throwing up, his sugar was coming down. I check his sugar every hour, gave him insulin every two hours, made sure his 24 oz water cup stayed full, and tried to get him to eat anything I could. He was responsive. He would talk to me, and yell at his sister, looking back, I wish I had just taken him the the Emergency Room. Why didn't I just take him?

Duncan and I slept down in the living room that night. I didn't want to keep everyone else awake. My poor boy just couldn't keep anything down. Earlier that day I had jumped onto Facebook to ask my Diabetic community what they would do. There is a fantastic Facebook group called Parents of Type 1 Diabetes. I should have listened to those who said I should take him to the ER. But he was responsive, his sugar was coming down, and his keytones weren't at dangerous levels. It was around 11:30 p.m. on Wednesday night that I checked my post and saw someone say something about electrolytes. DANG why didn't I think of electrolytes? I went to my fridge, I had bought some Gatorade a week before, and it was still there. No it wasn't. I had been throwing up all day Tuesday, and Gatorade was the only thing I could keep down that day. I remembered I had a bottle of Pedialyte, I went back to the kitchen and looked everywhere, but I couldn't find it. It must still be packed up in a box somewhere, and finding it now would be impossible. I would get some first thing in the morning, as soon as Duncan woke up. I tried to get him up at around 2 a.m. to check for keytones, I placed him on the potty, and he started crying... "no mommy, no... I don't need to go potty, I just need to sleep" I checked his sugar, he was down to 195. I could get some sleep knowing we were almost out of the woods. I placed him back in bed and let him sleep. I think he knew then, he was getting ready to leave this earth.

Duncan woke up at around 9 the next morning, the first thing I did was check his sugar, and then for keytones. His sugar was at 290, and his keytones were HIGH too high. I texted Craig and told him Duncan would need to go to the Emergency Room. He was still responsive, and still fighting with his brothers, just really tired. That was to be expected, he had been throwing up all day. I loaded all four kids in the car, drove out to the 99 cent only store, and bought some Gatorade. Duncan drank about a cup of the Gatorade and then wanted to just lie down. At around 11:30 a.m. on June 21, 2018, Duncan was lying on his bed in the living room, and he let out a small cry. I rushed to him and he would not respond. He would not blink, he would not move his arms, he would not talk, he was barely breathing. I called 911 and they sent an ambulance. When the first responders showed up they saw my baby boy lying unresponsive on his little mattress in the living room of our tiny town house. One of them asked exactly what happened. I told him about Duncan having Type 1 Diabetes. I told him about the throwing up, I told him all about what had happened the day before. He said "I'm a Type 1 as well. Let me take his sugar" His sugar was at 360. He then said "his sugar is high, but it is not high enough for him to be in DKA, there is something wrong, we will take care of him". They loaded him on a gurney, into the back of a truck, gave me a map to the hospital, and they took my baby.

Craig met me at the hospital. He said he got off early because they were slow at work. Something felt off, but I didn't push him, I knew he'd tell me when he was ready. We stayed in the waiting room of the Emergency Room of North Bay Hospital in Fairfield, Ca. It seemed like we were sitting there for hours before they called us up to the door to the back. The nurse took us into a private waiting room, and my heart instantly dropped. They only take you into the private room when they have to tell you something serious. The trauma doctor stepped in and told us the news. Duncan had stopped breathing in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. They had to intubate him to put him on a breathing machine. They needed to do an x-ray, and a CT scan of his brain, but before they did that I was allowed to go in and see him. I was not ready for what I saw. They had to cut his shirt off, and they took his pants off, they put him in a diaper. His eyes were closed, and he looked like he was sleeping. I just wanted to go to him and hold him, and beg him to wake up. JUST WAKE UP! They took an x-ray, but I had to leave the room, I was eight weeks pregnant and I couldn't be around the radiation. They then let me walk with him down to the CT room to get a scan of his brain. Once we got back to the triage room, I held his hand, kissed his cheek, and went back into the waiting room to give Craig a chance to come in and see him. He came back, and the trauma doctor stepped in moments later. It was worse than we thought. The CT scan showed Duncan had swelling in his brain. They're not sure what it meant. It could have been a shadow, we prayed to God it was a shadow. He told us Duncan would need to be air lifted down to Oakland Children's Hospital, but they couldn't get him stabilized. When they would get him breathing, his blood pressure would drop, when they got his blood pressure back up, he would stop breathing. So again, we waited.

A million thoughts ran through my mind... Did I do this? I should have brought him in yesterday when he was throwing up. Why didn't I get Gatorade last night when I thought about it? Did I miss count his insulin? The head of triage came in to speak to us as well. He told us they thought he had an electrolyte imbalance. I knew it, it was my fault. He told us the swelling was only in the back of his head, which was weird because usually when a brain swells, the whole brain swells, that's why it may have just been a shadow. He told me I did everything right. He told me in his professional opinion, he wouldn't have brought him in the day before either, especially if he was responsive. He told me a million things can go wrong with type one diabetes, and when a diabetic gets sick, all we can do is treat the symptoms. I did what I needed to to treat his symptoms, but it just wasn't enough.

They finally got Duncan stabilized enough to move him. The helicopter landed, and I was able to go in and say goodbye. It took about 30 minutes for them to pack him up and get him loaded, they brought our family out of the waiting room, and outside to see him rolled onto the helicopter and take off. By the time the helicopter took off, a woman from our Church showed up to ask us what we needed. We quickly told her what was going on, and she watched with us. She had called an Elder in our ward as well, and he showed up right as the helicopter took off. We asked if we could have five to ten minutes alone to pray and receive a blessing. The hospital staff was more than willing to allow it, and we went back into that awful room, the room that changed my life forever. The hospital social worker had gone to the gift shop to get some things to keep the other kids occupied, she brought coloring books, game books, and some stuffed animals for our two year old daughter. Before they took Duncan from the triage room, she rushed in with one of the stuffed animals and said all the siblings kissed it for Duncan.

As we left the hospital, I got a call from my mom. She was at our townhouse, she had driven down from Redding, so she could stay with the other kids while Craig and I went to Oakland to stay with Duncan. It was 2 p.m. We had been at the hospital for two and a half hours! We went home, I found Duncan's dog, the one who has been through everything with him. I washed it up really quickly, and threw it in the car. I went through and found some clothes, knowing we would be gone for a couple of days. My mom and I went to a drive thru to get dinner, and when we got back, Craig and I left to the Oakland Children's Hospital. Craig had to drive, I was too stressed out. It took 45 minutes to get to Oakland, but it felt like hours.

It's Been Way Too Long

It's been too long since I've written. I started this as a way to help me cope with my son's diabetes. I thought maybe if another mother found this, it might make her feel better, like she wasn't alone when it felt like her world was crashing down around her. Honestly, Duncan's diagnosis changed my world forever. It changed my family forever. Not just my family unit (husband and other children), but also my parents and siblings and my husband's parents and siblings. I can't just call a babysitter to watch my children so my husband and I can go out for date night, I have to make sure it's a person I would trust with my own life, because ultimately I'm trusting that person with Duncan's life.

Before diabetes I never had to think, read, or do the math for food I bought. I never had to think twice about trick or treating, baking Christmas cookies, or going to family parties. Now I check nutritional facts, look up serving sizes, and I have to add, subtract, multiply, and divide, just to make sure Duncan has the right things to eat and the right amount of insulin. I have gone to church parties and looked through the trash just to find out what brand of rolls they used for the Halloween dinner. I have badgered family about what exactly is in the food they serve at parties. I have checked the nutritional facts on something, thrown the box away and then had to retrieve it again because I forgot what I had just read. It's exhausting, it's stressful, and now it's also second nature. I make announcements at family parties to remind everyone NOT TO FEED THE YOUNG BEAR, because he will give you his cute smile and try to manipulate you into sneaking him something extra that mom hasn't counted, and I am always so grateful to my family on both my side and my husband's side for keeping an extra eye on him and making sure I know what he's eating. To his aunts and uncles, and all our parents and siblings, thank you for making my stress that much easier.

Sometimes I look at Duncan and I forget he has this disease. It's really easy to see my outgoing little boy run around the park, and forget that I have to check his sugar before I can feed him anything. There are times I get in the car and I'm about to drive away when in the back of my mind I hear "you forgot the blood sugar bag". I have to jump out and run back into the house to get it. I was told before I left the hospital on September 20, 2015, that one day all this would become second nature. Here I am almost 2 years later, and it feels like I've been dealing with it all my life, and yet I'm still learning something new everyday as well.

So WELCOME BACK to our journey!

My Reality

"My son is 2 years old, and he has type one diabetes." I have said this to myself everyday since he was diagnosed last September. I've come to accept this is who he is, this is who I am, a mother of a diabetic, this is who our family is. We as a family cope with the idea of Duncan's disease. Cyrus and Caleb have adjusted pretty well to carb counting, and using a food scale weigh out his portions. They've adjusted to waiting to eat until sugar is checked, and juice is administered, and they're starting to adjust to sugar free treats or low carb snacks. We as a family have become Blood Warriors!

Every once in a while, if we go out to eat I will pull out Duncan's meter to check his sugar level. Most people ask me questions about how we found out about his "condition", or what it's like... but every once in a while I'll get an ignorant comment from someone who doesn't know anything about what Duncan is going through. There are people out there who think, that because their mom, or grandma had type 2 then they know all about the disease. That's when the harsh comments come into play.

I have had perfect strangers tell me I'm a bad mom. "If my child were that young, or that small I wouldn't give him sugar... it's your fault!" Now, I know that's not true, so I take it in my stride. I smile and say "actually sugar has nothing to do with it. His pancreas just doesn't produce insulin anymore." I'm never afraid to share Duncan's story with them, most of the time people with the nasty comments just walk away with a mean look on their face.

I try not to "educate" people about my son's condution, but there are so many people who know nothing of what I go through everyday just to keep my toddler safe and alive. When I hear my boys get up at 6:30 a.m. I hold my breath every morning and listen for Duncan. I my mind I say a silent prayer "please wake up this morning" this is my reality. I checked him last night, his sugar was 134, but there's always that possibility it dropped late into the night, and I wake up to a dead child. This is my reality... When I hear a CRASH and my 7 year old scream "DUNCAN!" I know he's up and crashing around. I can breath again.

I recently read a friends blog, where she bore her testimony about God's plan. As I was reading I realized how amazing our Father in Heaven is, and how He has a plan for all of us. I may not know what His plan is for our family, or my Duncan but I do have faith He is with us every step of the way.

Adeline

When Duncan was first diagnosed, we treated him as if he were fragile. For a month or so, I was getting my bearings and trying to come to what was now our reality.... now Duncan's reality. I will admit, there was a time I got in my truck to go pick up my 5 year old from kindergarten, and I cried the entire 15 minute drive to the school. I got there a little early, and cried until I saw my son's class come out to meet the parents. That was the only time I really let go and the seriousness of Duncan's condition sank in. My son is diabetic, I kept telling myself. He's not even 2 and he will now have at least 4 shots a day for the rest of his life. He will have midnight scares, and I may never really get a full night's sleep again. Will he be able to serve a mission? If he does will he have to stay in the states? Will he pass this on to is kids? I had so many questions about his future, it was overwhelming. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about it really. I told everyone I was fine, and dealing which I was, and I would tell them Duncan's story about how we found out about his condition. I tell them the technical stuff, not the personal toll it took on me and my boys. I don't talk about how his older brothers weren't sure how to treat him once we got home. I don't talk about crying in my car when I thought about almost losing him. I don't talk about the stress it put on my family, and how we were afraid he would break if we let him go outside. I didn't go anywhere alone with my boys for almost 2 months. I was afraid if I did, I would forget something important.

Once we got over the initial shock of his diagnosis, and we got over the thoughts that if we made one little mistake he could end up in the hospital again, we started to get our lives back in order. Duncan noticed the difference in how he was being treated though and he took advantage of the situation. He became a strong willed, spoiled little boy, who thought he could get away with everything if he just smiled. Take right now for example. I say it's nap time, he's decided he's not tired so he's up and running around his room, yelling at his brothers outside because he thinks I can't hear him. There were many times i forgot I was pregnant with baby #4. When you only see the doctor every 4 weeks, and the baby is pretty mellow and doesn't move a lot, its really easy to forget. We found out in November baby #4 was a girl. After 3 boys I didn't know what I was going to do with a girl. March 11, 2016 she entered into our world and once again our family was turned upside down. I was able to leave my boys with my parents without the worry of Duncan ending up with really high highs, or really low lows, and Craig (my husband) was able to take care of things while I was in the hospital.

I wasn't worried about Cyrus and Caleb as much as Duncan when it came to the new baby. Cyrus has had 2 babies come home, and Caleb has had 1, they've been through this before. Duncan has not... and like I said he's been a little spoiled. Craig brought the boys to the hospital to meet their new sister, and I fully prepared myself for a tantrum from Duncan. He's only 2 and he is now no longer the baby. When Cyrus was 2 and Caleb was born, he came in saw his new baby brother and stomped around trying to slam things. Craig couldn't stay for more than 10 minutes because of the tantrum Cyrus was throwing. I expected nothing less from Duncan. Craig came in with all three boys, Cyrus' face lit up and he asked if he could hold the baby. Caleb started giggling and asked if he could hold the baby, and then there was Duncan... he walked over and tried to climb on my bed by himself, so daddy helped him, and he crawled over to the baby in my arms, lifted his little hand and started stroking her cheek. He looked up at me and smiled, and then tried to sit on my lap while she was nursing. He is so gentle with her it amazes me. Every child is different, I know that better than anyone. Cyrus is my bossy 7 year old who thinks he knows how the world works already, Caleb is my mouthy 5 year old who wants to be in charge of his own destiny, but still lets his big brother call the shots, and Duncan is my explorer who won't think twice about jumping in a mud puddle just to see how deep it is, and if his shoes really will get wet after I've told him "no" countless times. They're all different, but Duncan amazes me when it comes to his sister. He doesn't try to hit her, or hurt her. When she's crying he looks at me very seriously and says "Mommy Baby!" and if he's in the room when she's crying he tries to comfort her with a blanket or a stuffed animal. He is a natural big brother, and I don't worry for one minute about their relationship. I know the two of them are going to be best friends. I know he'll tease her and pull her hair, I know she'll scream and tell on him every chance she gets, but there is a special bond between the two of them. I'm excited to see it grow, and mature throughout the years.

February 21, 2016: His Most Important Birthday

I know... I've been so busy getting ready for the new baby, and helping my husband getting settled with his new job, I'm behind on my posting. Duncan has been doing great the past couple weeks. I did do one stupid thing though, a week ago I was getting his insulin to him in the morning. Duncan takes his Lantus first thing in the morning, so like always I woke up, grabbed two syringes and went to the fridge to pull out his two vials of insulin. First, his Lantus, because that's his 24 hour and has to be taken at the same time everyday. I drew it out as normal, flicked the syringe to get the bubbles to the top like the nurses showed me on day one in the hospital, and then I picked up the vial and pushed the excess insulin into the vial like I was supposed to, just to find out I put the excess Lantus INTO the Apidra vial! I had to throw the Apidra away and start a new one all over again. I felt really stupid, mainly because I've read many stories where people who have struggled with type one for years mix up their insulin, and I've thought, "Really? How could you do that? you've had this illness for like 20 years and you mixed up the insulins? I've been dealing with it for like 5 months and haven't made that mistake!" To all those people I have thought that about I'm so sorry, I got cocky.

This past week has been a very emotional week for me. Duncan was born on the 22nd of February, and as we got closer to his second birthday the thoughts kept coming that we almost didn't have a birthday to celebrate. The reality of what we have been dealing with for the past 5 months hit me hard, and the pregnancy hormones didn't help. I almost lost my boy. This was the most important birthday I would ever celebrate, because it really was a celebration of life. His life. He has only been on this earth for two short years, but in those years he has turned our life upside down and inside out. I don't know what I would have done if I had lost my Duncan.

The biggest question is... What do I do about a birthday cake? I called around to all the bakeries I could find in our area and asked them if they made Sugar Free birthday cakes. They all said "No". My step-mom texted me, "Have you tried Baskin Robbins? An ice cream cake would be fun." So I got on the phone and called and sure enough they could make me a regular cake, but put Less Sugar ice cream in it. That sounded reasonable, after all I was told I didn't HAVE to go sugar free, but I SHOULD go sugar free when possible. I talked it over with them, and found out that an ice cream cake with less sugar ice cream would cost around $45, and that's just for feeding 6-8 people. WHAT! Off to Wal*Mart to find something I could use. Now, I love to bake. I love to decorate cakes and I love birthdays! I show up at Wal*Mart and they have a "Sugar Free Section" in their baking section. I find a "Sugar Free" Angel Food Cake. Whoo Hoo! Then I get a call from my step-Mom, "Jen, I just saw online that Wal*Mart sells sugar free icing in their baking section. I think it's Betty Crocker." I ask the baker behind the counter, "If we have it, it'll be in the baking isle with the cake mix." I went over and sure enough there it was!

I also got some no sugar added ice cream because Wal*Mart has the best selection.

I filled the middle of the Angel Food Cake, and made my own ice cream cake. It cost me half as much to do so and it tasted good too. I cheated this year by buying his cake when normally I would bake it, but next year I know what I'll be doing for him.

He loved it, and the rest of the family was happy to go sugar free for his birthday as well. It's been a very emotional week, and I made it through. My baby turns 2, and he's healthy and perfect... That's really all I can ask for. I thank God every day for that little boy, and I'm grateful he listened when my husband and I prayed for him to be alright. We're adjusting and taking control. Next step... Potty Training!

January 24, 2016: My Diabetic Tool Kit

As a parent, when your child is born, you look down at that small little face and you can see the entire world resting in your arms. You look at that child and all you can do is imagine the life their going to have. Who are they going to be? Of course we all think our kid is going to be the next biggest thing and they're going to change the world. I started having contractions with Duncan at 4:30 in the morning. My husband did not want to go to work that day he wanted to stick around and get me to the hospital. I told him he only worked 7 minutes away, I would be fine but to make sure he had someone to take over when I called him. My contractions came closer and closer, and I called my parents who were living 2 miles down the street. They came up picked up my other two boys, and took me down to their house where I met my husband and he rushed me to the hospital. My water broke on the I-15 northbound freeway, and we were about 5 minutes from the hospital when Duncan started crowning, he was almost born in the car on the side of the road. Thanks to all the lights being green, and my husband's safe driving we made it to the hospital just in time for me to get into a bed, and deliver our perfect baby boy.

When I looked down at the precious face, I knew he was going to be a force to be reckoned with when he got older. All we want for our children even if they end up working at a gas station their entire life is that they are happy, and healthy. I know Ted Bundy's mom didn't look down at him as a baby and say "I just know you are going to be one of the world's most infamous serial killers" she wanted him to be a force to be reckoned with. I never thought my boy would end up with an illness that would change all of our entire lives.

Last week we were all sick. We all (except my husband who has the immune system of Superman) had this croupy gross cough that went through the entire family. Duncan's blood sugars were scary high! At one point I went to check his blood glucose and his meter just read "HI". In the middle of the day he would have scary lows, in the 42 to the 50 range. When most kids get sick you just give them plenty of liquids, and make sure they get plenty of sleep. What do you do when you're diabetic son gets sick? I can't give him juice when he throws up anymore to keep sugar in his system, and I have to make sure he's eating at least enough carbs to give him 1/2 a unit of insulin...

This is my diabetic tool kit. Everything I need to keep with me wherever I go. I checked him for keytones again when he was really high, still nothing, and made sure he had plenty of juice when he had a low. 

We all know how hard it is to get a toddler to eat. Most moms have the luxury of saying "ok I guess you're just not hungry right now, you can eat later." I can't do that with Duncan, I have to make sure he eats at least something. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth, and sometimes all he want's to do is eat. I know as he gets older he'll understand more why I have to make him eat something, and he'll understand more why I have to give him 4 shots a day to keep him alive. Yes you read that right, Duncan gets 4 shots a day. One for his 24 hour insulin and one at every meal. If he ends up eating a snack that is 10 carbs or over he has to have another shot. So on average Duncan gets 4 shots a day, 28 shots a week, 112 shots a month 1,460 shots a year. That is not even counting all the finger pricks he gets everyday to check his sugar levels. 

It really is awful when my boy isn't feeling well. There's not a lot I can do but let him ride it out. I can't give him much medicine unless it's sugar free, and it's frustrating when his glucose isn't stable. He gets really clingy which is normal for a toddler, so we got to spend the morning last Sunday watching "Hercules" on Netflix. 

January 16, 2016: The Highs and Lows of Everyday Life

I'm just going to say that this week was a pretty good week. I called Duncan's nurse, Patricia, to give her his glucose levels. Patricia is awesome, we go through his levels together over the phone so she can adjust his insulin intake accordingly. Duncan's glucose this week was actually pretty good. Let me explain what pretty good means... Duncan's range is between 100 and 200, they explained to me that they want his range to be higher than the "normal" range of 80 to 100 because his brain is still developing and he needs that glucose to help with the development. If his glucose level gets down below 80 I need to treat it as a "low" meaning he needs more sugar in his system. If his glucose levels get above 200 I need to treat it as a "high" meaning he needs more insulin in his system. Normally Patricia doesn't worry too much about his levels until they reach the 250-300 range, then we have to worry about keytones, which is something to explain for a whole other day. Duncan has never experienced keytones since I brought him home form the hospital so I don't worry too much about that.

For the most part Duncan is a pleasant kid, he's active, happy, and playful. He likes to make faces and run through the house like a mad man. Duncan has been all over the place this week like any other "normal" toddler. I probably shouldn't say "normal" because his diabetes is "normal" to him now. We've gotten pretty much into the rhythm of things since he was first diagnosed, he knows I have to check his levels before he eats and is usually pretty good about letting me prick a finger to get a sample. When his level is low, we drink some juice and try again 15 minutes later. If his levels are high we count that into his insulin using his "sliding scale". If his levels are in range we don't worry.

The hardest is when he's low, he gets really hungry and wants to eat everything in sight! Mostly carbs, and sugars. He whines and cries and rolls around the floor like he's having a tantrum for no apparent reason. When his levels are high, he still wants to eat everything he can get his hands on but it's usually the proteins. He wants cheese, meats, or nuts and he stuffs them in his mouth like he can't get it in fast enough. Most days I wish he could talk and tell me what is wrong when his sugar is not in range. I know the symptoms to look for, but it's really hard to know if he has a headache or if he's feeling dizzy if he can't tell me himself.

My 5 year-old asks me at least once a week "Mom, when is Duncan going to not need anymore shots?" I have to explain to him that Duncan will be getting shots the rest of his life, unless they find a cure which is what we pray for every night. Duncan gets pricked on the finger an average of 8-10 times a day, some days he cooperates and lets me do it, some days he's ornery and wants to be in control of his checks and balances. They told me as a teenager it gets harder because he'll start wanting to do it on his own, and he'll start hiding his highs and lows from me because he will want to be in control of his illness. They've never met a determined 2 year old who wants to be left alone with a loaf of bread for 5 minutes!

The other day Duncan was acting really weird. He was in the dinning area and was really quiet. We all know the saying when a toddler is being quiet you know something is wrong, so I walk over and try to find him... he's not there... maybe I was wrong and he went down the hall to his room? I walk down to his room and no Duncan... I walk back to the dinning area and there under the table sitting with his back to me is my son chowing down on a loaf of bread! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?!? Don't you know what that will do to your sugar? of course he doesn't, he's 2 all he knows is he wants food and he wants it now! I swear this kid is like Houdini when it comes to food. It doesn't matter how well I put it up, he WILL find it and somehow find a way to eat it. So I check his sugar, it's a little low only in the low 80's but enough to give him a little snack.

Get him in his high chair, hand over the cheese and pretzel and 10 minutes later off he's running to go destroy whatever new "thing" my older boys have built. I hear him run down the hall then it's 3... 2.... 1... "DUNCAN! NO" another castle was just destroyed by our very active, sugar free, T-Rex.

January 10, 2016: A Diabetic Family

While in the hospital I had to meet with a nutritionist to "help" me find healthy diet choices for Duncan. She told me that parents don't realize the life changes that come with a child who is diagnosed with diabetes. I kind of waved her off. We were healthy eaters to begin with, my husband likes his junk food occasionally but for the most part we don't keep it in the house. I was taught to cook from scratch, I know how to use noodles to make mac-n-cheese with real cheese and milk, I love cooking beef stew in my crock pot, and I never use the prepackaged stuff. I find it to be very fattening, high calories and it just doesn't fill my boys' stomach. I already used whole wheat noodles instead of white noodles and brown rice over white rice. So our eating habits didn't really change too much.

The only thing that really changed for us was eating the holiday candy in front of Duncan, and portions. My kids are still growing so I never really paid attention to how much they ate, as long as they were eating enough. Now I have to keep track of EVERYTHING Duncan puts into his mouth. Last night we had a good dinner, and I gave him the insulin he needed to cover it. He woke up two or three times screaming like he was in pain. At first I thought something was really wrong, I had just recently read and article of a little girl who recently died because she swallowed a penny battery. My thought raced through every thing he at yesterday, and maybe things he could have picked up on the floor that I just didn't see... I remembered that we don't even have penny batteries in the house. I stuck his sippy cup in his mouth and he started drinking the water, laid his head back down on the pillow and went back to sleep. About an hour later he woke up screaming again. I went in to see if he needed more water and checked his blood sugar this time, he was in the 300's no wonder he was miserable. I've gone on record as saying I'd rather deal with highs than deal with lows which is true, but I still get stressed out when he's too high. He woke up again an hour later so I was back and forth most of the night

I remember when my husband and I went to our basic training class in October, one of the nurses told a story about a mom who had two daughters that both had type 1:
"Her 8 year old came in with a blood sugar in the 400's, and I asked her what she had for breakfast that morning. The little girl turned to me and said "Cocoa Puffs" I looked at the mom and said to her "Why would you give your daughter Cocoa Puffs for breakfast when you know she's diabetic?" The mom looked at me and said "I didn't give them to her, the Cocoa Puffs are mine, she just found where I was hiding them." I said to her "you really shouldn't keep that kind of thing in the house with both of you children dealing with diabetes" the mom looked right back at me and said "I don't see why I have to suffer just because She's the one who has diabetes..." I was shocked. About a week later both of her daughters were in the hospital with high blood sugars, and as I walked into the room to greet them this same mother threw her arms around me and started to cry. "I don't know how this could have happened" she said "you know more than anyone that I would do ANYTHING for my daughters!" I couldn't hold it back any longer, I had to be taken off their case because I just started screaming."

This story really shocked me. I felt bad for those kids, but most of all it made me realize how important it is to eat clean with Duncan in the house. He's still a toddler so he's getting into everything as it is, I don't want to end up in the hospital for four days again, because I was too selfish to keep snack foods around the house. We all know as a woman it's hard not to store chocolate around the house for when you're dealing with stress.... but that is something I am definatly working on.

The Holidays

Our biggest adjustment was the holidays. I love baking, and I honestly believe everything in life can be learned through baking. What was I going to do now? I usually go all out for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This was going to be a learning experience for our entire family. The doctors and nutritionist in the hospital told me not to stop our holiday traditions, to keep our life as "normal" as possible. Halloween came we dressed up and went trick or treating. The JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) put out a very helpful guide for Halloween for kids with type one.

Halloween wasn't too much of a headache this last year. I thought I handled it pretty well! Yes, Duncan's sugar was up to the 400's, and I found out that night, that no matter how much I watch him, he is going to find a way to get what he wants. If he knows he's not supposed to have it, he will sneak it.

Thanksgiving was a little different for us this year. I still did most of the baking I usually do, I cut it down, and made one or two more "low sugar" pumpkin pies than I normally make. Our Dede is a type two diabetic so we're pretty used to making "low sugar" pumpkin pies. Duncan's blood sugar was really high during Thanksgiving, in the 400's and 500's at times. He wasn't feeling very well though and I realized when he's sick his blood sugar will spike, no matter how well I keep track of his carbs.

Christmas was a learning curve for us this year. Santa didn't fill stockings with as much candy this year- A little chocolate for the older boys and sugar free candies for Duncan. There were more toys and games filling their stockings and the boys loved every minute of it. I thought this year Christmas was going to be harder when it came to the sweets, but my boys seemed to understand the importance of Duncan's condition. My 7 year old gets really upset when he sees Duncan eating anything. He has decided he is the "food police" and will come in and make sure whatever Duncan is eating is something an adult gave him, even if it's just a carrot stick.

I think the hardest thing about the holidays is getting together with family. 2015 was our first holiday season dealing with Duncan's diabetes I was still learning how to count all the carbs I was anticipating him eating, as well as counting all the carbs he actually did eat and I had to teach it to family as well. We made it very clear to everyone we came in contact with that they were NOT to give ANYTHING to Duncan unless they had permission from me to do so. My mother in-law is very strict with that rule. She knows she can give him cheese and meat, but she still made sure to ask me before letting him have anything to eat.

My husband comes from a family of 6 children.  There are now 4 spouses and 7 grandchildren with one more on the way.  We all got together this year for Christmas and it was a mad house.  Of course my first priority is Duncan and what he's putting in his mouth, but when you have that many people in a room and a lot of chaos something is bound to happen, and sure enough Duncan found some popcorn and started stuffing it in his mouth.... needless to say his sugar was up in the high 300's low 400's that night. 

I now know the holidays are going to be the trickiest to deal with. My husband and I don't usually keep candy and junk food around the house because we know how much of a temptation it is for us, let alone our children. The holidays are different though, it's hard to get through them without baking my traditional Autumn Harvest Pie or cookies for Santa. I know by next year we're going to be experts... but this year I'm just hoping we can get Duncan through Valentines Day without him going into a sugar coma.

January 7, 2016

Yesterday I had an appointment with the endocrinologist down at the clinic by Loma Linda. I'm used to mostly dealing with the nurses and not really seeing his doctor. She only came in for about 10 minutes, talked to me about how he was doing, looked at his numbers after they downloaded his meter, and shook Duncan's hand. I was left with the nurse, A really great nurse who's name believe it or not was Patience.

When I got the letter in the mail last month about his appointment they told me to anticipate it to be 4 hours. I thought that meant I could be in the waiting room for about 2 1/2 to 3 hours waiting to be seen. I got down to the clinic at 1:16 for his 1:00 appointment, the traffic going down was crazy with all the rain we got, and I couldn't go faster than 40 mph on the freeway. I checked in and hadn't sat down for 5 minutes when they called us in. Yay, I'm probably NOT going to be here for 4 hours. I talked to Patience, then the doctor, then the nutritionist, and then the social worker was supposed to come in, but she got held up so she said she'll see me next time because it was so late. I was alright with that because by the time the social worker got to me it was 5:19... Yeah... it took 4 hours.

Today was a hard day. I thought Duncan would be a little cranky because of yesterday. It had been such a long day for him and he was such a trooper the entire time. They told me he was the cutest patient they ever had (which I'm sure they say to everyone). He woke up in a good mood and had an excellent morning running around terrorizing is brothers. We all ate breakfast, I measured out insulin like I always do, and he ran around some more. Checked his sugar at nap time, and it was at 68. That was too low, so I gave him some juice. I checked him 15 minutes later and he was up past 200, which of course is too high. I put him down for a nap and let his blood sugar settle. 

Duncan woke up in a happy mood running around. Within 5 minutes he was rolling on the floor screaming and would not let me comfort him. I checked his sugar again and he was at 33. 33! I'm not ashamed to say that a part of me panics when his sugar gets below 80, but it has never been as low as 33 before, so I rushed to get him some juice. He drank the juice and still wouldn't stop screaming... 15 minutes later I checked him again as I'm supposed to do and he was only up to 56, time for more juice. He wouldn't take it. I ran and got a piece of Christmas chocolate and he ate it happily. 15 minutes later he was up to 98 and was his happy self again. He ate his lunch and I got my Duncan back.

The highs I can deal with, the lows are what scare me.

Duncan's Story

Tuesday September 15, 2015 we were enjoying our dinner outside in the nice weather. We live in the high desert of California, where the weather doesn't seem to get crazy until the end of September or the beginning of October. Most of the time we have a mild October where everyone is wearing shorts and tank tops, but Halloween night is always freezing cold. My parents and I are sitting out at the dining table outside when Duncan my 18 month old comes over to me and wants me to hold him. He's freezing cold, so I get a blanket and wrap him in it while my two other boys are running around playing whatever game they came up with. I put Duncan to bed early because he didn't seem like he was feeling well.

About an hour later I put my other two boys to bed. Cyrus, my seven year old came out about ten minutes later, and to tell the truth I was a little frazzled because I mainly thought he was getting up to ask for one more this or one more that. Nope, he comes out and says "Mom, Duncan threw up." Oh great, that's why he didn't eat much at dinner and why he wanted me to hold him in a blanket, he's sick. I cleaned him up, gave him a warm bath to help him relax, changed his sheets, and put him back to bed. 
The next day was spent cleaning up throw up, changing him multiple times out of jammies and dealing with a flu bug. He wouldn't eat anything, so I just made sure he was getting the sugars back in his system, and wasn't getting too dehydrated. Thursday was the same, he was just sick.

My poor little boy just didn't feel well. I had decided that if he wasn't better by Thursday night I would call his doctor on Friday morning and see if there was anything they could do. His breathing was rapid, but he had also suffered from RSV at the age of 6 weeks and had to be hospitalized for 4 days at St. Mary's. September is the beginning of RSV season, so he very well could have the beginning of it and I didn't want to take the chance. I took my older boys to school and had breakfast with a friend who told me I should call Thursday morning instead of waiting. "It's a minimum day today", she said, "and if you wait and call tomorrow, you may not get an appointment until Monday and he could be over it by then.  Then you have wasted a trip. But if you call today, you could get him in this afternoon after the minimum day, or at least get him in tomorrow.  If it were me, I just wouldn't take the chance." I had to agree with her, and because of her advice I will forever be grateful to her for convincing me to call my pediatrician. I got home and I called. 

I had a conversation with the nurse who told me it did sound like a flu bug. She told me there was nothing they could do about it, and it probably wouldn't be a good idea to bring him in because by sitting in the waiting room he could catch something and make it worse. He didn't have a temperature which is one of the reasons why I was going to wait until Friday to call. The nurse told me to keep doing what I was doing, keep giving him juice to keep the sugars in his system, and make sure he's not getting dehydrated. I put the phone by his nose and mouth so she could hear his breathing, and she told me that he's not wheezing so I shouldn't worry too much about RSV. "If he becomes unresponsive", she said, "bring him in as soon as possible." So that's what I did, I checked on him every hour got him up for meals that he didn't eat, and made sure to change his diaper and keep him hydrated.

At around 7:30 pm that night my husband came home from school.  He was in a nursing program. We ate dinner, and I realized I hadn't gotten Duncan up to eat, so I went in to wake him up. He groaned and kind of fluttered his eyes open. I ran him into my husband and said to him "Tell me not to worry! Please tell me not to worry!" My husband pulled out his stethoscope and listened to his lungs. He said his lungs are clear but his heart is racing. "First he needs a blessing, go get your dad." (We are LDS and when a member of our family or congregation get sick we give them a blessing for health). "Then he needs a doctor, we need to get him to the emergency room." My dad and I packed Duncan into my truck, I sat in the back to keep an eye on Duncan and make sure he stayed awake, and my dad rushed us to St. Mary's Medical Center.

We got to the emergency room, I got into line to check in and Duncan was a greenish grayish color. I got to the window and the man behind the glass looked up, saw my son and said, "Mam, your son needs to get back here NOW!" He started talking to nurses to get a bed ready and told me I needed to get him on a gurney. Six nurses came over and took him from me. Six nurses took my baby and started poking him with needles, tried to get blood and start an IV. I had a doctor came up and ask me what happened, so I started from the beginning, I started from Tuesday night when he was fine and running around, and out of nowhere started throwing up. I told him about calling the pediatrician that morning, and checking on him every hour. I told him that when I found him unresponsive I brought him in. "If you found him at around 7:30 why did it take you and hour to get him here?" "Well, I live 45 minutes away from the hospital", I responded.  There was a woman at the window when I got here and she took about 20-25 minutes to get her point across..." I did what I was supposed to do right? I understand this man probably sees a lot of awful things in the ER in the high desert, but I was a good mom right? Didn't I do what his doctor told me to do? Honestly all I could do was cry. I didn't get hysterical, I didn't scream, I asked the doctor, "Is my son going to be alright?" "I don't know" was all he could tell me, "Your son is in critical condition, you should have gotten him here sooner." I told my story to 6 different people that night, and wondered every time what I had been missing, what could I have done differently? It was the flu! Just a flu bug... Right? 

After what seemed like forever which was probably only about 30 minutes to 45 minutes with my dad texting me from the waiting room every 20 minutes to see if there was and update, the ER doctor came back. "Ok" he said "your son is in what we call DKA or Diabetic Ketoacidosis.  Your son has type one diabetes." "No he doesn't" I laughed a little, seriously I laughed a little bit. "He can't be diabetic, my husband and I eat right, my husband is 6'5 and weighs 216 pounds, I don't keep junk food in the house, and we grow a lot of our vegetables...." the doctor looked at me and said "your son is diabetic. It's type one, his eating habits have nothing to do with it." "But it doesn't run in our family", I added.  "It doesn't have to run in the family anymore. Your son's blood sugar was over 600.  He's in DKA and we don't have the equipment to help him, so I've put in a call to Loma Linda Children's Hospital. They are sending a helicopter and should be here within 45 minutes. They are sending a crew of six so you will not be able to fly down with him. I'm going to be over at the desk if you need anything, just let one of the nurses know and I will be right over to talk to you". "But why was his sugar so high? Could it be because he hasn't eaten anything in four days, and I've just been giving him juice to make sure the sugars are staying in his system?" "No your son is diabetic. I will be over there if you need anything."

About 45 minutes later a nurse came over to me and told me the crew from Loma Linda was here to air lift Duncan down to their hospital. The ER doctor came in with her and said to me, "The crew from Loma Linda just landed, there is a couple things I want to remind you about. You can not go with them on the helicopter, but the most important thing is your son is going to be fine. You did everything right. You called his doctor, and you did everything they told you to do. This is not your fault. No on knows why this happens it just does. You are a good mother and you did everything right. If you had not been checking on your son every hour, and brought him in to us tonight, he would not have woken up tomorrow morning. You are a good mom. Remember that. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you." The crew came in, introduced themselves, and eased my mind the best they could. They promised me he could take his stuffed dog with him to comfort him, and that they would strap it in so he didn't lose it. They gave me the instructions for when I get down to the hospital and where to go. They took one more blood test, and Duncan's sugar had dropped to the 400's and told me they would be down at the hospital in 20 minutes.  It was an hour drive for me. I kissed my baby goodbye, and watched them strap him into a bed and take him away. They promised me my boy would be safe and I could go right in and see him as soon as I got down to Loma Linda.

 My dad drove me down to Loma Linda where Duncan and I spent the next three days in the hospital. There was a nurse in the room with us at all times to check his insulin and his blood sugar every hour. Friday morning came and the nurse told me I would be meeting with the insulin instructor for about two hours. She would be going over how to administer his insulin once we got home. I met with a woman named Barbara who also had diabetes but hers is type 2. She stayed with me for two hours answering my questions, and making sure I was comfortable dealing with checking his blood sugar myself. By Friday night his blood sugar was at 180, he could be taken off the insulin pump and start eating solid food. Saturday morning I ordered Duncan his breakfast, and got to meet another awesome woman who was a nutritionist. She went over foods and carbohydrates and how to count out his carbs. She gave me some referencing material to help me out. The nurses told me it was very uncommon for a child Duncan's age to be diagnosed with diabetes, type one or type two. The only way they can catch it is if he goes into DKA.

The nurses told me I was the calmest parent they ever worked with when it came to the news of his diagnosis. I thought back and told them, "I'm pregnant, and last week my husband came home from school, and I had told him that I had just finished watching an episode of CSI where they were saying on the T.V. show that excessive thirst is a symptom of diabetes. Duncan had been getting me up every night for about a week and a half for water. He'd drink about two 6 ounce cups of water and go back to sleep. I was also changing his diaper every hour because he had been peeing so much. My husband said so? and I said "isn't that a sign of diabetes?" and my husband said "it's your pregnancy hormones babe, it's hot outside, and he's just thirsty. You're probably just overreacting." so I took it as that and walked away." The nurses thought it was funny and said, "Mother's instincts are amazing."

Sunday came and a doctor came into the room and told us Duncan could go home. His blood levels were great and I seemed to be handling everything well. They were confident enough to send him home for me to take care of. I called my dad and let him know the good news, but it would take him about two hours to get down to us. He was in church and the traffic was awful. The I-15 was under construction, and everyone was coming home from Vegas.

We left the hospital around 7:00 pm, and got home around 8:00 pm. I was nervous to get started, and our first night home was a little rough. I was still checking on him every hour, and he woke up at 2:00 am and cried for an hour and a half straight. This was my life now. I had jumped in with both eyes open. I started teaching my husband everything I learned, and made sure family members knew about his condition. We sat our older boys down together and explained what was going on with Duncan now and they became very protective over what he ate and that everyone knew his health.

So started our life with diabetes.