Shattered Summer (PART 1)

I started this blog two years ago to help me cope with my son's type 1 diabetes. It helped me out a lot, even though I have many posts I have not published and I have gone many months without writing. My son was diagnosed at 18 months with type 1. While we came together as a family and learned everyday new ways to help him cope and help us understand, my husband Craig and I still knew in the back of our minds we would lose Duncan early in life. Craig always thought we would lose him in his 20s or 30s, I always thought it would be as a teenager.

This last June, Craig got a new job in San Rafael CA. We packed up our home, and our family and made the six hour drive to our new home in Fairfield. Our first week was spent, finding all the clothes and essentials we needed to get Craig to and from work. I needed to stock up on food, so I could make his lunches, the first week went by like a whirlwind and before we knew it we were heading into week 2.

Week 2 was spent getting the bedrooms organized so we could start getting our tiny townhouse in order. I knew I was going to have to downsize, but I needed the space to do it. I spent the week trying to get everything in order, while Craig spent the week dealing with a jerk at work who wanted his job and spent every day making sure the work environment was hostile. It was Father's Day weekend so we took some much needed family time and went to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom on Saturday, with my older brother, and his son. Then surprised my mom and step dad in Redding for a Father's Day BBQ. It was the perfect weekend, roller coasters and swimming, looking back I wouldn't change a single decision we made that weekend.

Monday came with more stress for Craig at work. Tuesday came and I spent the day throwing up. Then Wednesday hit... Duncan started throwing up Tuesday night at around 11:30 p.m. I checked his sugar, and it was high, almost 400, but he wasn't spilling keytones so I gave him a water bottle and sent him back to bed. He cam into our room at about 4 a.m. when Craig got up for work. He said he didn't feel good, and just wanted to lie down with mommy. I cuddled him, and he fell back to sleep. Craig left for work, and I cuddled my boy, he woke me up at around 7 throwing up. His sugar was in the 500s, but his keytones weren't high. I used his sliding scale to measure his insulin, and put him in the bathtub. Our nurse told us once, that a warm bath can help lower blood sugar, I checked on Duncan every hour, and got him a 24 oz cup full of water. He did have keytones, but again they weren't high, and although he was throwing up, his sugar was coming down. I check his sugar every hour, gave him insulin every two hours, made sure his 24 oz water cup stayed full, and tried to get him to eat anything I could. He was responsive. He would talk to me, and yell at his sister, looking back, I wish I had just taken him the the Emergency Room. Why didn't I just take him?

Duncan and I slept down in the living room that night. I didn't want to keep everyone else awake. My poor boy just couldn't keep anything down. Earlier that day I had jumped onto Facebook to ask my Diabetic community what they would do. There is a fantastic Facebook group called Parents of Type 1 Diabetes. I should have listened to those who said I should take him to the ER. But he was responsive, his sugar was coming down, and his keytones weren't at dangerous levels. It was around 11:30 p.m. on Wednesday night that I checked my post and saw someone say something about electrolytes. DANG why didn't I think of electrolytes? I went to my fridge, I had bought some Gatorade a week before, and it was still there. No it wasn't. I had been throwing up all day Tuesday, and Gatorade was the only thing I could keep down that day. I remembered I had a bottle of Pedialyte, I went back to the kitchen and looked everywhere, but I couldn't find it. It must still be packed up in a box somewhere, and finding it now would be impossible. I would get some first thing in the morning, as soon as Duncan woke up. I tried to get him up at around 2 a.m. to check for keytones, I placed him on the potty, and he started crying... "no mommy, no... I don't need to go potty, I just need to sleep" I checked his sugar, he was down to 195. I could get some sleep knowing we were almost out of the woods. I placed him back in bed and let him sleep. I think he knew then, he was getting ready to leave this earth.

Duncan woke up at around 9 the next morning, the first thing I did was check his sugar, and then for keytones. His sugar was at 290, and his keytones were HIGH too high. I texted Craig and told him Duncan would need to go to the Emergency Room. He was still responsive, and still fighting with his brothers, just really tired. That was to be expected, he had been throwing up all day. I loaded all four kids in the car, drove out to the 99 cent only store, and bought some Gatorade. Duncan drank about a cup of the Gatorade and then wanted to just lie down. At around 11:30 a.m. on June 21, 2018, Duncan was lying on his bed in the living room, and he let out a small cry. I rushed to him and he would not respond. He would not blink, he would not move his arms, he would not talk, he was barely breathing. I called 911 and they sent an ambulance. When the first responders showed up they saw my baby boy lying unresponsive on his little mattress in the living room of our tiny town house. One of them asked exactly what happened. I told him about Duncan having Type 1 Diabetes. I told him about the throwing up, I told him all about what had happened the day before. He said "I'm a Type 1 as well. Let me take his sugar" His sugar was at 360. He then said "his sugar is high, but it is not high enough for him to be in DKA, there is something wrong, we will take care of him". They loaded him on a gurney, into the back of a truck, gave me a map to the hospital, and they took my baby.

Craig met me at the hospital. He said he got off early because they were slow at work. Something felt off, but I didn't push him, I knew he'd tell me when he was ready. We stayed in the waiting room of the Emergency Room of North Bay Hospital in Fairfield, Ca. It seemed like we were sitting there for hours before they called us up to the door to the back. The nurse took us into a private waiting room, and my heart instantly dropped. They only take you into the private room when they have to tell you something serious. The trauma doctor stepped in and told us the news. Duncan had stopped breathing in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. They had to intubate him to put him on a breathing machine. They needed to do an x-ray, and a CT scan of his brain, but before they did that I was allowed to go in and see him. I was not ready for what I saw. They had to cut his shirt off, and they took his pants off, they put him in a diaper. His eyes were closed, and he looked like he was sleeping. I just wanted to go to him and hold him, and beg him to wake up. JUST WAKE UP! They took an x-ray, but I had to leave the room, I was eight weeks pregnant and I couldn't be around the radiation. They then let me walk with him down to the CT room to get a scan of his brain. Once we got back to the triage room, I held his hand, kissed his cheek, and went back into the waiting room to give Craig a chance to come in and see him. He came back, and the trauma doctor stepped in moments later. It was worse than we thought. The CT scan showed Duncan had swelling in his brain. They're not sure what it meant. It could have been a shadow, we prayed to God it was a shadow. He told us Duncan would need to be air lifted down to Oakland Children's Hospital, but they couldn't get him stabilized. When they would get him breathing, his blood pressure would drop, when they got his blood pressure back up, he would stop breathing. So again, we waited.

A million thoughts ran through my mind... Did I do this? I should have brought him in yesterday when he was throwing up. Why didn't I get Gatorade last night when I thought about it? Did I miss count his insulin? The head of triage came in to speak to us as well. He told us they thought he had an electrolyte imbalance. I knew it, it was my fault. He told us the swelling was only in the back of his head, which was weird because usually when a brain swells, the whole brain swells, that's why it may have just been a shadow. He told me I did everything right. He told me in his professional opinion, he wouldn't have brought him in the day before either, especially if he was responsive. He told me a million things can go wrong with type one diabetes, and when a diabetic gets sick, all we can do is treat the symptoms. I did what I needed to to treat his symptoms, but it just wasn't enough.

They finally got Duncan stabilized enough to move him. The helicopter landed, and I was able to go in and say goodbye. It took about 30 minutes for them to pack him up and get him loaded, they brought our family out of the waiting room, and outside to see him rolled onto the helicopter and take off. By the time the helicopter took off, a woman from our Church showed up to ask us what we needed. We quickly told her what was going on, and she watched with us. She had called an Elder in our ward as well, and he showed up right as the helicopter took off. We asked if we could have five to ten minutes alone to pray and receive a blessing. The hospital staff was more than willing to allow it, and we went back into that awful room, the room that changed my life forever. The hospital social worker had gone to the gift shop to get some things to keep the other kids occupied, she brought coloring books, game books, and some stuffed animals for our two year old daughter. Before they took Duncan from the triage room, she rushed in with one of the stuffed animals and said all the siblings kissed it for Duncan.

As we left the hospital, I got a call from my mom. She was at our townhouse, she had driven down from Redding, so she could stay with the other kids while Craig and I went to Oakland to stay with Duncan. It was 2 p.m. We had been at the hospital for two and a half hours! We went home, I found Duncan's dog, the one who has been through everything with him. I washed it up really quickly, and threw it in the car. I went through and found some clothes, knowing we would be gone for a couple of days. My mom and I went to a drive thru to get dinner, and when we got back, Craig and I left to the Oakland Children's Hospital. Craig had to drive, I was too stressed out. It took 45 minutes to get to Oakland, but it felt like hours.

It's Been Way Too Long

It's been too long since I've written. I started this as a way to help me cope with my son's diabetes. I thought maybe if another mother found this, it might make her feel better, like she wasn't alone when it felt like her world was crashing down around her. Honestly, Duncan's diagnosis changed my world forever. It changed my family forever. Not just my family unit (husband and other children), but also my parents and siblings and my husband's parents and siblings. I can't just call a babysitter to watch my children so my husband and I can go out for date night, I have to make sure it's a person I would trust with my own life, because ultimately I'm trusting that person with Duncan's life.

Before diabetes I never had to think, read, or do the math for food I bought. I never had to think twice about trick or treating, baking Christmas cookies, or going to family parties. Now I check nutritional facts, look up serving sizes, and I have to add, subtract, multiply, and divide, just to make sure Duncan has the right things to eat and the right amount of insulin. I have gone to church parties and looked through the trash just to find out what brand of rolls they used for the Halloween dinner. I have badgered family about what exactly is in the food they serve at parties. I have checked the nutritional facts on something, thrown the box away and then had to retrieve it again because I forgot what I had just read. It's exhausting, it's stressful, and now it's also second nature. I make announcements at family parties to remind everyone NOT TO FEED THE YOUNG BEAR, because he will give you his cute smile and try to manipulate you into sneaking him something extra that mom hasn't counted, and I am always so grateful to my family on both my side and my husband's side for keeping an extra eye on him and making sure I know what he's eating. To his aunts and uncles, and all our parents and siblings, thank you for making my stress that much easier.

Sometimes I look at Duncan and I forget he has this disease. It's really easy to see my outgoing little boy run around the park, and forget that I have to check his sugar before I can feed him anything. There are times I get in the car and I'm about to drive away when in the back of my mind I hear "you forgot the blood sugar bag". I have to jump out and run back into the house to get it. I was told before I left the hospital on September 20, 2015, that one day all this would become second nature. Here I am almost 2 years later, and it feels like I've been dealing with it all my life, and yet I'm still learning something new everyday as well.

So WELCOME BACK to our journey!

My Reality

"My son is 2 years old, and he has type one diabetes." I have said this to myself everyday since he was diagnosed last September. I've come to accept this is who he is, this is who I am, a mother of a diabetic, this is who our family is. We as a family cope with the idea of Duncan's disease. Cyrus and Caleb have adjusted pretty well to carb counting, and using a food scale weigh out his portions. They've adjusted to waiting to eat until sugar is checked, and juice is administered, and they're starting to adjust to sugar free treats or low carb snacks. We as a family have become Blood Warriors!

Every once in a while, if we go out to eat I will pull out Duncan's meter to check his sugar level. Most people ask me questions about how we found out about his "condition", or what it's like... but every once in a while I'll get an ignorant comment from someone who doesn't know anything about what Duncan is going through. There are people out there who think, that because their mom, or grandma had type 2 then they know all about the disease. That's when the harsh comments come into play.

I have had perfect strangers tell me I'm a bad mom. "If my child were that young, or that small I wouldn't give him sugar... it's your fault!" Now, I know that's not true, so I take it in my stride. I smile and say "actually sugar has nothing to do with it. His pancreas just doesn't produce insulin anymore." I'm never afraid to share Duncan's story with them, most of the time people with the nasty comments just walk away with a mean look on their face.

I try not to "educate" people about my son's condution, but there are so many people who know nothing of what I go through everyday just to keep my toddler safe and alive. When I hear my boys get up at 6:30 a.m. I hold my breath every morning and listen for Duncan. I my mind I say a silent prayer "please wake up this morning" this is my reality. I checked him last night, his sugar was 134, but there's always that possibility it dropped late into the night, and I wake up to a dead child. This is my reality... When I hear a CRASH and my 7 year old scream "DUNCAN!" I know he's up and crashing around. I can breath again.

I recently read a friends blog, where she bore her testimony about God's plan. As I was reading I realized how amazing our Father in Heaven is, and how He has a plan for all of us. I may not know what His plan is for our family, or my Duncan but I do have faith He is with us every step of the way.

Adeline

When Duncan was first diagnosed, we treated him as if he were fragile. For a month or so, I was getting my bearings and trying to come to what was now our reality.... now Duncan's reality. I will admit, there was a time I got in my truck to go pick up my 5 year old from kindergarten, and I cried the entire 15 minute drive to the school. I got there a little early, and cried until I saw my son's class come out to meet the parents. That was the only time I really let go and the seriousness of Duncan's condition sank in. My son is diabetic, I kept telling myself. He's not even 2 and he will now have at least 4 shots a day for the rest of his life. He will have midnight scares, and I may never really get a full night's sleep again. Will he be able to serve a mission? If he does will he have to stay in the states? Will he pass this on to is kids? I had so many questions about his future, it was overwhelming. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about it really. I told everyone I was fine, and dealing which I was, and I would tell them Duncan's story about how we found out about his condition. I tell them the technical stuff, not the personal toll it took on me and my boys. I don't talk about how his older brothers weren't sure how to treat him once we got home. I don't talk about crying in my car when I thought about almost losing him. I don't talk about the stress it put on my family, and how we were afraid he would break if we let him go outside. I didn't go anywhere alone with my boys for almost 2 months. I was afraid if I did, I would forget something important.

Once we got over the initial shock of his diagnosis, and we got over the thoughts that if we made one little mistake he could end up in the hospital again, we started to get our lives back in order. Duncan noticed the difference in how he was being treated though and he took advantage of the situation. He became a strong willed, spoiled little boy, who thought he could get away with everything if he just smiled. Take right now for example. I say it's nap time, he's decided he's not tired so he's up and running around his room, yelling at his brothers outside because he thinks I can't hear him. There were many times i forgot I was pregnant with baby #4. When you only see the doctor every 4 weeks, and the baby is pretty mellow and doesn't move a lot, its really easy to forget. We found out in November baby #4 was a girl. After 3 boys I didn't know what I was going to do with a girl. March 11, 2016 she entered into our world and once again our family was turned upside down. I was able to leave my boys with my parents without the worry of Duncan ending up with really high highs, or really low lows, and Craig (my husband) was able to take care of things while I was in the hospital.

I wasn't worried about Cyrus and Caleb as much as Duncan when it came to the new baby. Cyrus has had 2 babies come home, and Caleb has had 1, they've been through this before. Duncan has not... and like I said he's been a little spoiled. Craig brought the boys to the hospital to meet their new sister, and I fully prepared myself for a tantrum from Duncan. He's only 2 and he is now no longer the baby. When Cyrus was 2 and Caleb was born, he came in saw his new baby brother and stomped around trying to slam things. Craig couldn't stay for more than 10 minutes because of the tantrum Cyrus was throwing. I expected nothing less from Duncan. Craig came in with all three boys, Cyrus' face lit up and he asked if he could hold the baby. Caleb started giggling and asked if he could hold the baby, and then there was Duncan... he walked over and tried to climb on my bed by himself, so daddy helped him, and he crawled over to the baby in my arms, lifted his little hand and started stroking her cheek. He looked up at me and smiled, and then tried to sit on my lap while she was nursing. He is so gentle with her it amazes me. Every child is different, I know that better than anyone. Cyrus is my bossy 7 year old who thinks he knows how the world works already, Caleb is my mouthy 5 year old who wants to be in charge of his own destiny, but still lets his big brother call the shots, and Duncan is my explorer who won't think twice about jumping in a mud puddle just to see how deep it is, and if his shoes really will get wet after I've told him "no" countless times. They're all different, but Duncan amazes me when it comes to his sister. He doesn't try to hit her, or hurt her. When she's crying he looks at me very seriously and says "Mommy Baby!" and if he's in the room when she's crying he tries to comfort her with a blanket or a stuffed animal. He is a natural big brother, and I don't worry for one minute about their relationship. I know the two of them are going to be best friends. I know he'll tease her and pull her hair, I know she'll scream and tell on him every chance she gets, but there is a special bond between the two of them. I'm excited to see it grow, and mature throughout the years.

February 21, 2016: His Most Important Birthday

I know... I've been so busy getting ready for the new baby, and helping my husband getting settled with his new job, I'm behind on my posting. Duncan has been doing great the past couple weeks. I did do one stupid thing though, a week ago I was getting his insulin to him in the morning. Duncan takes his Lantus first thing in the morning, so like always I woke up, grabbed two syringes and went to the fridge to pull out his two vials of insulin. First, his Lantus, because that's his 24 hour and has to be taken at the same time everyday. I drew it out as normal, flicked the syringe to get the bubbles to the top like the nurses showed me on day one in the hospital, and then I picked up the vial and pushed the excess insulin into the vial like I was supposed to, just to find out I put the excess Lantus INTO the Apidra vial! I had to throw the Apidra away and start a new one all over again. I felt really stupid, mainly because I've read many stories where people who have struggled with type one for years mix up their insulin, and I've thought, "Really? How could you do that? you've had this illness for like 20 years and you mixed up the insulins? I've been dealing with it for like 5 months and haven't made that mistake!" To all those people I have thought that about I'm so sorry, I got cocky.

This past week has been a very emotional week for me. Duncan was born on the 22nd of February, and as we got closer to his second birthday the thoughts kept coming that we almost didn't have a birthday to celebrate. The reality of what we have been dealing with for the past 5 months hit me hard, and the pregnancy hormones didn't help. I almost lost my boy. This was the most important birthday I would ever celebrate, because it really was a celebration of life. His life. He has only been on this earth for two short years, but in those years he has turned our life upside down and inside out. I don't know what I would have done if I had lost my Duncan.

The biggest question is... What do I do about a birthday cake? I called around to all the bakeries I could find in our area and asked them if they made Sugar Free birthday cakes. They all said "No". My step-mom texted me, "Have you tried Baskin Robbins? An ice cream cake would be fun." So I got on the phone and called and sure enough they could make me a regular cake, but put Less Sugar ice cream in it. That sounded reasonable, after all I was told I didn't HAVE to go sugar free, but I SHOULD go sugar free when possible. I talked it over with them, and found out that an ice cream cake with less sugar ice cream would cost around $45, and that's just for feeding 6-8 people. WHAT! Off to Wal*Mart to find something I could use. Now, I love to bake. I love to decorate cakes and I love birthdays! I show up at Wal*Mart and they have a "Sugar Free Section" in their baking section. I find a "Sugar Free" Angel Food Cake. Whoo Hoo! Then I get a call from my step-Mom, "Jen, I just saw online that Wal*Mart sells sugar free icing in their baking section. I think it's Betty Crocker." I ask the baker behind the counter, "If we have it, it'll be in the baking isle with the cake mix." I went over and sure enough there it was!

I also got some no sugar added ice cream because Wal*Mart has the best selection.

I filled the middle of the Angel Food Cake, and made my own ice cream cake. It cost me half as much to do so and it tasted good too. I cheated this year by buying his cake when normally I would bake it, but next year I know what I'll be doing for him.

He loved it, and the rest of the family was happy to go sugar free for his birthday as well. It's been a very emotional week, and I made it through. My baby turns 2, and he's healthy and perfect... That's really all I can ask for. I thank God every day for that little boy, and I'm grateful he listened when my husband and I prayed for him to be alright. We're adjusting and taking control. Next step... Potty Training!

January 24, 2016: My Diabetic Tool Kit

As a parent, when your child is born, you look down at that small little face and you can see the entire world resting in your arms. You look at that child and all you can do is imagine the life their going to have. Who are they going to be? Of course we all think our kid is going to be the next biggest thing and they're going to change the world. I started having contractions with Duncan at 4:30 in the morning. My husband did not want to go to work that day he wanted to stick around and get me to the hospital. I told him he only worked 7 minutes away, I would be fine but to make sure he had someone to take over when I called him. My contractions came closer and closer, and I called my parents who were living 2 miles down the street. They came up picked up my other two boys, and took me down to their house where I met my husband and he rushed me to the hospital. My water broke on the I-15 northbound freeway, and we were about 5 minutes from the hospital when Duncan started crowning, he was almost born in the car on the side of the road. Thanks to all the lights being green, and my husband's safe driving we made it to the hospital just in time for me to get into a bed, and deliver our perfect baby boy.

When I looked down at the precious face, I knew he was going to be a force to be reckoned with when he got older. All we want for our children even if they end up working at a gas station their entire life is that they are happy, and healthy. I know Ted Bundy's mom didn't look down at him as a baby and say "I just know you are going to be one of the world's most infamous serial killers" she wanted him to be a force to be reckoned with. I never thought my boy would end up with an illness that would change all of our entire lives.

Last week we were all sick. We all (except my husband who has the immune system of Superman) had this croupy gross cough that went through the entire family. Duncan's blood sugars were scary high! At one point I went to check his blood glucose and his meter just read "HI". In the middle of the day he would have scary lows, in the 42 to the 50 range. When most kids get sick you just give them plenty of liquids, and make sure they get plenty of sleep. What do you do when you're diabetic son gets sick? I can't give him juice when he throws up anymore to keep sugar in his system, and I have to make sure he's eating at least enough carbs to give him 1/2 a unit of insulin...

This is my diabetic tool kit. Everything I need to keep with me wherever I go. I checked him for keytones again when he was really high, still nothing, and made sure he had plenty of juice when he had a low. 

We all know how hard it is to get a toddler to eat. Most moms have the luxury of saying "ok I guess you're just not hungry right now, you can eat later." I can't do that with Duncan, I have to make sure he eats at least something. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth, and sometimes all he want's to do is eat. I know as he gets older he'll understand more why I have to make him eat something, and he'll understand more why I have to give him 4 shots a day to keep him alive. Yes you read that right, Duncan gets 4 shots a day. One for his 24 hour insulin and one at every meal. If he ends up eating a snack that is 10 carbs or over he has to have another shot. So on average Duncan gets 4 shots a day, 28 shots a week, 112 shots a month 1,460 shots a year. That is not even counting all the finger pricks he gets everyday to check his sugar levels. 

It really is awful when my boy isn't feeling well. There's not a lot I can do but let him ride it out. I can't give him much medicine unless it's sugar free, and it's frustrating when his glucose isn't stable. He gets really clingy which is normal for a toddler, so we got to spend the morning last Sunday watching "Hercules" on Netflix. 

January 16, 2016: The Highs and Lows of Everyday Life

I'm just going to say that this week was a pretty good week. I called Duncan's nurse, Patricia, to give her his glucose levels. Patricia is awesome, we go through his levels together over the phone so she can adjust his insulin intake accordingly. Duncan's glucose this week was actually pretty good. Let me explain what pretty good means... Duncan's range is between 100 and 200, they explained to me that they want his range to be higher than the "normal" range of 80 to 100 because his brain is still developing and he needs that glucose to help with the development. If his glucose level gets down below 80 I need to treat it as a "low" meaning he needs more sugar in his system. If his glucose levels get above 200 I need to treat it as a "high" meaning he needs more insulin in his system. Normally Patricia doesn't worry too much about his levels until they reach the 250-300 range, then we have to worry about keytones, which is something to explain for a whole other day. Duncan has never experienced keytones since I brought him home form the hospital so I don't worry too much about that.

For the most part Duncan is a pleasant kid, he's active, happy, and playful. He likes to make faces and run through the house like a mad man. Duncan has been all over the place this week like any other "normal" toddler. I probably shouldn't say "normal" because his diabetes is "normal" to him now. We've gotten pretty much into the rhythm of things since he was first diagnosed, he knows I have to check his levels before he eats and is usually pretty good about letting me prick a finger to get a sample. When his level is low, we drink some juice and try again 15 minutes later. If his levels are high we count that into his insulin using his "sliding scale". If his levels are in range we don't worry.

The hardest is when he's low, he gets really hungry and wants to eat everything in sight! Mostly carbs, and sugars. He whines and cries and rolls around the floor like he's having a tantrum for no apparent reason. When his levels are high, he still wants to eat everything he can get his hands on but it's usually the proteins. He wants cheese, meats, or nuts and he stuffs them in his mouth like he can't get it in fast enough. Most days I wish he could talk and tell me what is wrong when his sugar is not in range. I know the symptoms to look for, but it's really hard to know if he has a headache or if he's feeling dizzy if he can't tell me himself.

My 5 year-old asks me at least once a week "Mom, when is Duncan going to not need anymore shots?" I have to explain to him that Duncan will be getting shots the rest of his life, unless they find a cure which is what we pray for every night. Duncan gets pricked on the finger an average of 8-10 times a day, some days he cooperates and lets me do it, some days he's ornery and wants to be in control of his checks and balances. They told me as a teenager it gets harder because he'll start wanting to do it on his own, and he'll start hiding his highs and lows from me because he will want to be in control of his illness. They've never met a determined 2 year old who wants to be left alone with a loaf of bread for 5 minutes!

The other day Duncan was acting really weird. He was in the dinning area and was really quiet. We all know the saying when a toddler is being quiet you know something is wrong, so I walk over and try to find him... he's not there... maybe I was wrong and he went down the hall to his room? I walk down to his room and no Duncan... I walk back to the dinning area and there under the table sitting with his back to me is my son chowing down on a loaf of bread! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?!? Don't you know what that will do to your sugar? of course he doesn't, he's 2 all he knows is he wants food and he wants it now! I swear this kid is like Houdini when it comes to food. It doesn't matter how well I put it up, he WILL find it and somehow find a way to eat it. So I check his sugar, it's a little low only in the low 80's but enough to give him a little snack.

Get him in his high chair, hand over the cheese and pretzel and 10 minutes later off he's running to go destroy whatever new "thing" my older boys have built. I hear him run down the hall then it's 3... 2.... 1... "DUNCAN! NO" another castle was just destroyed by our very active, sugar free, T-Rex.